From “Different” to “Authentic” – My Obsession Story
When I was 13, I was an energetic, impressionable teenager from Miami who always had a sunny disposition. But that year, something happened that changed my life forever: my parents’ marriage ended in a nasty divorce. As a result, I felt the urge to rebel. I was short with everyone. I only wore novelty t-shirts and black low top Chuck Taylor sneakers. I ditched my friends to immerse myself in what was considered “alternatives” to the monoculture of the ‘90s. I became obsessed with going left when everyone went right. It felt damn good to be “different.” It made me feel in control of my life.
At the time, I lived with my mom and my older brother, Jose. He was a tremendous musical influence on me growing up, as he exposed me to freestyle music, ‘80s and ‘90s pop, rock, hip-hop, and many more genres. But those days, Jose, who had long, curly hair, was always listening to alternative music and hanging out with the goth and raver crowds in Miami. He had an extensive CD collection, which I loved going through constantly. And at first, I wasn’t too fond of it. The Cure? Cure for what?? The Sisters of Mercy? What kind of name is that for a band? Pink Floyd? Who was Floyd, and why was he pink?! But, the more I was exposed to their music, the more I started becoming obsessed with it. I wanted to hear more. I loved the idea of curating my own musical taste.
Coincidentally, around the same time, I met a small group of people at school known as The Rockers that were obsessed with ‘90s grunge and alternative rock. Eager to fit in and bond with them, I joined in on their obsession the rest of the time I was in middle school. It felt nice to connect with like-minded people. I found myself smiling and looking forward to social outings again.
My freshman year of high school, things took a slight turn. I fell in love… with electronic music. I started identifying as a raver. I wore those 50” wide-leg JNCO jeans and trippy Freshjive t-shirts. I know I stood out like a sore thumb. And I got made fun of… a lot. The way my legs looked through those jeans earned me the nickname of Gumby. People also couldn’t stomach that a lot of the music I listened to had no lyrics and was highly repetitive. At first, it bothered me. But toward the end of the school year, I realized how proud I was to stick to my guns. I was happy that I was going to raves at the age of 15 with a fake ID that one of my brother’s friends made for me. I felt so cool hanging out with people far older than me. And this continued throughout the rest of high school.
Fast-forward to today. I’m a 39-year-old guy that still obsesses over music, art, fashion, and culture that’s off the beaten path. And while I’ve never felt like I fit in here in Miami, I’ve found I connect best with others who appreciate and accept me for who I am. Some of my best friendships have started over a compliment on something I was wearing, watching, or listening to.
I’m proud to say that my obsession transformed from needing to be “different” to feel like I’m in control of my life to one of needing always to be my most authentic self. And it’s all thanks to Jose, The Rockers, and all the other amazing, open-minded people I’ve met along the way.
When I was 13, I was an energetic, impressionable teenager from Miami who always had a sunny disposition. But that year, something happened that changed my life forever: my parents’ marriage ended in a nasty divorce. As a result, I felt the urge to rebel. I was short with everyone. I only wore novelty t-shirts and black low top Chuck Taylor sneakers. I ditched my friends to immerse myself in what was considered “alternatives” to the monoculture of the ‘90s. I became obsessed with going left when everyone went right. It felt damn good to be “different.” It made me feel in control of my life.
At the time, I lived with my mom and my older brother, Jose. He was a tremendous musical influence on me growing up, as he exposed me to freestyle music, ‘80s and ‘90s pop, rock, hip-hop, and many more genres. But those days, Jose, who had long, curly hair, was always listening to alternative music and hanging out with the goth and raver crowds in Miami. He had an extensive CD collection, which I loved going through constantly. And at first, I wasn’t too fond of it. The Cure? Cure for what?? The Sisters of Mercy? What kind of name is that for a band? Pink Floyd? Who was Floyd, and why was he pink?! But, the more I was exposed to their music, the more I started becoming obsessed with it. I wanted to hear more. I loved the idea of curating my own musical taste.
Coincidentally, around the same time, I met a small group of people at school known as The Rockers that were obsessed with ‘90s grunge and alternative rock. Eager to fit in and bond with them, I joined in on their obsession the rest of the time I was in middle school. It felt nice to connect with like-minded people. I found myself smiling and looking forward to social outings again.
My freshman year of high school, things took a slight turn. I fell in love… with electronic music. I started identifying as a raver. I wore those 50” wide-leg JNCO jeans and trippy Freshjive t-shirts. I know I stood out like a sore thumb. And I got made fun of… a lot. The way my legs looked through those jeans earned me the nickname of Gumby. People also couldn’t stomach that a lot of the music I listened to had no lyrics and was highly repetitive. At first, it bothered me. But toward the end of the school year, I realized how proud I was to stick to my guns. I was happy that I was going to raves at the age of 15 with a fake ID that one of my brother’s friends made for me. I felt so cool hanging out with people far older than me. And this continued throughout the rest of high school.
Fast-forward to today. I’m a 39-year-old guy that still obsesses over music, art, fashion, and culture that’s off the beaten path. And while I’ve never felt like I fit in here in Miami, I’ve found I connect best with others who appreciate and accept me for who I am. Some of my best friendships have started over a compliment on something I was wearing, watching, or listening to.
I’m proud to say that my obsession transformed from needing to be “different” to feel like I’m in control of my life to one of needing always to be my most authentic self. And it’s all thanks to Jose, The Rockers, and all the other amazing, open-minded people I’ve met along the way.
